Who Pays for the Wedding? Here's What Each Family Is Traditionally Responsible For

When it comes to paying for the wedding, there are differing views. While traditionally, the bride's parents were responsible for hosting (and paying for) the entire celebration, today, many couples join both sets of parents in contributing.

Whether your parents (or your future spouse's parents) are generously offering to pay for part or all of the wedding, it's helpful to understand who historically has paid for each aspect of the big day. While it's by no means mandatory for the bride's family to pay for the engagement party and the groom's parents to foot the bill for the rehearsal dinner, a working knowledge of how a wedding bill typically shakes out will help everyone navigate this tricky business.

Discussing Who Pays for the Wedding

While many families don't like to discuss money—and talking about it with future in-laws can provide an even higher level of awkwardness—it's essential to have this conversation as soon as you start planning. "Budget should be the first discussion couples have together and with their families—otherwise, you are planning in a bubble that may not be your reality," says Jove Meyer, a wedding planner. "I know it is not fun or cute to talk about money, but it is super important, as it informs all of the other decisions around your wedding."

Traditionally, most costs were covered by the bride's family, with the groom's family and the groom adding smaller amounts. But not all weddings have a bride and groom—and not all families are able to contribute according to antiquated guidelines. "The heteronormative gender roles for who pays for a wedding are changing," says Meyer. "They are much more modern and equal, taking into account both families' resources, guest lists, expectations, and the wedding location, as well as the resources and wants of the couple." For same-sex couples with either no bride or two brides, the rules are not applicable, adds Meyer: "Families must discuss and be open and honest about what is possible for them."

If you're not sure how to work through these questions with your own family, these traditional cost breakdowns can provide a helpful framework for deciding what works for you—and what doesn't.

What the Bride's Family Traditionally Pays For

The bride's family traditionally pays for the majority of the wedding-related expenses, from the engagement party to the newlyweds' getaway car. According to Christin Gomes and Ida Gibson, PhD, of Common Courtesy, these costs have typically included:

• Engagement party
• Wedding planner
• Invitations and day-of stationery
• Photography and videography
• Venue
• Bride's attire (and all accessories, including veil)
• Ceremony and reception floral arrangements, décor, and rentals
• Food and drink
• Wedding cake
  
• Guest transportation
• Travel and lodging costs for bridesmaids and officiant
• Most other reception expenses

Now, say the experts, the rules are fluid, with the other partner's parents and the couple contributing to any of those costs. "Wedding expenses have grown tremendously over the years and have no longer become the exclusive responsibility of the bride's parents," says Gomes. "They can take care of whatever they would like as long as all parties involved agree."

What the Groom's Family Traditionally Pays For

The groom's family has traditionally picked up the tab for fewer wedding items, which have included:

• Marriage license and officiant fee
• Corsages and boutonnières for family members on both sides
• Lodging for groomsmen
• Rehearsal dinner costs
• Reception alcohol (optional)
• DJ or band (optional)
  

Rehearsal dinners used to range in size from a small, wedding-party-only occasion to a larger soirée that included half or more of the wedding guests. Now, though, as many couples opt for welcome parties that are open to all of their guests, the groom's parents aren't expected to take on the entire cost. "A welcome party can be much pricier than an exclusive rehearsal dinner, so it's at the discretion of the groom's parents if they still agree to host the event," says Gibson.

In some circles, the groom's family offsets reception expenses by purchasing the alcohol; in others, the groom's family pays for the band. However you work it out, make sure each party is comfortable with its contribution.

What the Bride Traditionally Pays For

In the past, the bride would personally pay for:

• Wedding flowers and gifts for the bridesmaids
• All hair and makeup costs
• Groom's wedding band
• Groom's wedding gift

While these expenses are still typically covered by most brides, says Gomes, many modern women also contribute to the overall costs of the ceremony and reception—"any and everything their budget allows," says Gomes. "Brides and grooms are generally older and financially independent by the time they marry. It's more common today for couples to host and pay for a portion or all of their wedding expenses."

What the Groom Traditionally Pays For

Traditional expectations for the groom's financial contribution included:

• Engagement and wedding rings
• Marriage license and officiant fee (if not covered by parents)
• Bride's bouquet
• Groomsmen's boutonnières and gifts
• Bride's wedding gift
• Honeymoon

Today, couples often share the costs for their post-wedding trip, incorporating honeymoon and wedding spending into their big-picture financial plans.

Tips for Deciding Who Contributes to the Wedding

The above guidelines are just that—guidelines, and traditional ones at that, which might not make sense for your family structure or budget. So, ask these questions and keep these things in mind when deciding how to pay for your wedding.

Figure Out Your Wedding Priorities

Before you decide on a budget, decide on what's most important to you as a couple to include in your wedding. This will help inform where funds will be allocated and what elements might be skipped or downsized. For instance, deciding whether you want a band or a DJ for your wedding reception will make a radical difference in your overall wedding budget.

Ask Each Set of Parents If and How They Would Like to Contribute

Be open with each set of parents and clearly ask them if they would like to contribute to the wedding, and if so, what they would like to contribute towards. Talking about costs upfront will avoid any potential awkwardness later on. Of course, one thing to be aware of is that if parents contribute financially to the wedding, they may have some requests of their own—if that could be a problem for you, it might be worth covering certain expenses on your own.

Determine a Wedding Budget

It's helpful to set a budget for all parties to stick to. And, be realistic about it—the average cost of a wedding these days is about $30,000, but this can fluctuate up or down depending on where you live or where you decide to hold your event and the type of celebration you plan (an intimate elopement is going to cost less than a blow-out event with 200 guests).