7 Things You Need to Know About Having a Man of Honor in Your Wedding Party

As nuptial celebrations become increasingly personal and less traditional, more couples are opting for a co-ed wedding party—and that includes brides asking men to stand alongside them at the altar. While the primary role of an "honor attendant" or a "man of honor" is the same as that of a maid or matron of honor—to support the bride and groom—the specifics of the job can be gently tweaked to create a memorable—and more fun—experience for both of you.

If you're debating which of your favorite guys to ask, remember that the man of honor role doesn't have to be filled by a blood relative; you can invite any man who's important to you, says Carina Van Son of Sinclair & Moore. "A man of honor could be a family member, like a brother or cousin, but equally as often it's a close friend. It could also be teenage or adult sons, stepsons, nephews—any male figure that holds a special and significant role in the bride’s life."

From whether he needs to plan the bachelorette party to where he should get dressed on the big day, these modern etiquette considerations will help you create a flawless man of honor experience for the both of you. "You will not regret asking the important guy in your life to stand by you, instead of aligning with tradition for tradition's sake," says Van Son. "Go with the flow as you both figure out what being a man of honor means, pop some bubbly, and enjoy the planning process together."

Ask Him With an Open Mind

Most brides don't expect a potential bridesmaid to decline—or even hesitate—before agreeing to join the bridal party—but this might not be such an easy "yes" for a man of honor. Even though you have a close relationship, he may feel awkward taking on a nontraditional role.

If he seems reluctant, don't brush his feelings aside. "The bride should share why she wants to give the man of honor this important role, but also be receptive to any reservations, and give him the freedom to define what this title might entail," says Van Son.

Make Him Feel Comfortable

Ask a hesitant guy what would make the experience more comfortable and fun for him, suggests Melissa McNeeley, an event planner at Events by Melissa McNeeley. Listen to his insights about everything from the bachelorette weekend to the processional—and ask what he imagines he can bring to the bridal party, whether it's a game for the bridal shower or a wardrobe idea.

If he's dragging his feet about a specific part of the wedding process, let him skip it. "Discuss with your man of honor and give him the freedom to politely decline some events, like dress fittings or an all-girls bachelorette party," says Van Son.

Reconsider Responsibilities

Traditional maid of honor duties, like planning the shower, keeping track of vendors, and toasting the couple, are also appropriate for a man of honor to take on. But if these duties make him unwilling to participate—or jut aren't a good fit for his personality—split them up and delegate (just as you would with an all-female bridal party).

"The comprehensive maid or man of honor duties might not align with the strengths of the person you choose for the role, and it's okay to ask other attendants to share the tasks," says Van Son. "This is why it's great to have a [wedding] party. It comes down to knowing your people and understanding who would be excited and equipped to step in on each responsibility."

Put a Co-Ed Twist on Tradition

When planning the events surrounding your wedding, adjust tradition to accommodate your co-ed wedding party. "A co-ed shower is the most common thing to tweak, but joint bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal luncheons, and spa days are also things that the gents might love to partake in," says Van Son. "Adjusting some festivities to become co-ed events will not only shift the dynamic to feel more inclusive for a man of honor, but will also include the groom and his wedding party, who are often excluded from some traditional celebrations."

Getting Ready

As for deciding where the man of honor will get dressed for the wedding? Choose a spot that makes you, him, and the rest of your attendants feel comfortable. Your brother might prefer getting ready with the groomsmen or other family instead of sitting through hours of bridal party hair and makeup; a male best friend may be perfectly happy joining your mutual female friends in the bridal suite. "It's truly something that should be assessed based on the individual and the rest of your attendants," says Van Son.

Get Creative With Attire

A man of honor's wedding day attire can coordinate with the other men in the wedding party, or with the other attendants on the bride's side. "If the groomsmen are wearing gray suits and the bridesmaids are wearing navy dresses, the man of honor might wear a navy suit," says Van Son. "If it's the preference of the couple to have all the suits match, the man of honor might wear a tie or pocket square that sets him apart from the other men on the groom's side." (A boutonnière that complements the bridesmaid bouquets rounds out the look nicely.)

Brides with modern tastes can take the opportunity to make an unexpected fashion statement. McNeeley suggests having everyone in your bridal party—both male and female—rock similar, masculine-inspired formalwear. "I would like to see the man of honor and the bridesmaids in tuxedos," she says. "The women [could] be in feminine tailored tuxedos in the same color."

Plan the Processional

While the ceremony processional and recessional traditionally pair each bridesmaid with a groomsman as her escort, the increasing number of uneven wedding parties make this an easy process to update. Choose a single-file processional, where the bride's attendants walk down the aisle one at a time and the groom's wait at the altar—or have the best man and man of honor walk side-by-side (or one behind the other).

Recessional

During the more relaxed recessional, "the man of honor can once again walk with the best man, escort a bridesmaid, walk with the ring bearer or flower girls, or escort the bride's parents (especially if he is the bride's brother)," says Van Son. "Honestly, anything goes for both the processional or recessional. Whatever makes sense to the bridal couple is perfectly acceptable for their wedding."

Revise the Reception as Needed

Traditionally, receptions have also included several elements that pair a maid of honor with the best man, including the bridal party entrance, head table seating order, bridal party dance, and pre-dinner toasts. Several of these customs have already been modernized, says Van Son: For example, many couples choose to have the emcee introduce only the newlyweds as they enter the reception, instead of the entire party, and both the bride's and groom's attendants often sit (and dance, when expected) with their plus-ones.

Speeches

The best man or woman and the maid or man of honor are typically still both asked to give a toast, says Van Son—though, if they decline, it's perfectly appropriate to pass this job to another member of the bridal party who is more comfortable with public speaking. If you have a man of honor and a best man both willing to speak, who goes first is up to you (and them). "It's more common to recommend the order based on public speaking ability, rather than who each person is in the couple's life—it's better to save the best speaker for last, and give someone who is less comfortable the chance to speak first," says Van Son.